Life is funny...especially in a foreign country

Been single, had a boyfriend, now I´m married
Think you can guess the number one question male strangers in Ecuador like to ask me? Are you single or married? Soltera o casada? They manage to ask me this question even if it’s in the span of a three-minute cab ride. Well, I lied. The number one question is “Where are you from?” since it’s obvious I’m not from Ecuador but that’s an obvious number one anywhere you may be in this world. Single or married? I wouldn’t say this one is as common worldwide. My naivety to the reasoning for the asking of such a question has now passed. However, in the beginning, to be kind and offer conversation I would answer: “single.” But the answer, single, is the gateway to a series of rather uncomfortable follow-up questions. It’s as if there’s a manual that tells every Ecuadorian male exactly what to say and in what order to say it if a girl should respond, “single.” It goes like this:

Ecua: Single or married? Soltera o casada?
Me: Single
Ecua: I don’t believe you. No te creo.
Me: uhhh, ummmm, si. (This is my response to many many questions in Ecuador)
Ecua: you don’t have a boyfriend in the U.S? Nor in Ecuador?
Me: uhhhh, no.
Ecua: But what do you think of Ecuadorian men? Would you want a boyfriend in Ecuador?
Me: uhhhhh, hmmmmm, noo… (Trying to be polite here).
Ecua: (offended) Well, why not. Ecuadorian men are nice.
Me: yeahhhhh, well, (very drawn out), yeah, I guess I would consider it. (Politeness taken as an invitation). *This is when I pretend I don’t know very much Spanish and cannot understand the remainder of the uncomfortable conversation.

I kid you not; this short conversation is repeated, word for word, on a weekly basis. Well, it was, but I have been figuring out how to put an end to it. First I tried inventing a boyfriend in the U.S. If you are a boy friend of mine from back home, I have most likely fabricated you into a relationship that does not actually exist between us. It’s easier to make up a story about someone I can picture in my head rather than a complete character of my imagination. The “fact” that I have a boyfriend in the U.S. isn’t enough to end the conversation. They want to know all about him. After another series of questions about this supposed boyfriend, they come to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter; he’s in the U.S. You can have more than one boyfriend, you know…which is an opinion commonly acted upon in Ecuador.

Boyfriend in the U.S. didn´t work. So I moved on to a husband (yes, guy friends at home, you are now my husbands). Surprise! It makes no difference. It’s the same story. Why can’t you have a husband in the U.S. and a boyfriend in Ecuador, they ask.

The final solution to the problem of avoiding the awkward marital status question? I now have an imaginary boyfriend, or even more than one, in Ecuador. This answer seems to always end the inquisition. There may be a few follow-up questions about this guy, but overall, it just pleases the inquisitor that I have chosen his country over mine.

Tight Jeans
The clothing styles of Ecuadorian women are definitely different than those of women in the U.S. I often wonder if I would stand out more as a gringa dressed as myself, or a gringa dressed as an Ecuadorian. I choose myself because I would never be comfortable in the skin-tight, bright, somewhat dressy, and unforgiving clothes the average Ecua woman wears on a daily basis. I swear every woman in Ecuador wears size 2 jeans, no matter her size. And the shirts never meet the waste . This fashion would never pass school dress code in the States. Aside from the jeans, they wear high heels all day, every day. They wear them to the grocery store, the park, school, work, you name it. It’s an amazing sight to see Ecuadorian women navigating the under-constructed streets of Machala. If I were to try the heels, I would average five falls per day, I’m sure.

Mall-Walking
When I was a kid, I often spent early weekday or Saturday mornings cruising the Capitola Mall with Nana and Papa before all the stores opened. This activity was known as the very popular (among the elderly) “Mall-walking.” I never expected to revisit this activity until many more years later in my life when I might perhaps carry on the tradition with my grandkids. Machala, however, has caused the premature occurrence of mall-walking in my life. Machala has a new mall, which they are very proud of. It’s small, but new and modern and most importantly, has air conditioning. On days when the heat is brutal (it’s becoming an everyday occurence), the mall is one of the most popular places to spend the afternoon in coolness and comfort. If you go to the mall on a blistering afternoon, you may not find a single parking space and you will join the masses of people strolling up and down the one long, rectangular pathway of the mall without ever entering a store.

The job of a policeman
One of the greatest mysteries of Machala is the job and duties of the policemen. I see them all the time but I never know what they are doing. I had thought there were no speed limits in Machala because I never saw any signs. Turns out, there are speed limits, but no one pays attention because the police never regulate.

There was just a new law passed about driver and front-seat passenger wearing seatbelts. Seatbelts? What are seatbelts? You can hardly find a functioning or visible seatbelt in a car here…My family seems to be concerned about this new seatbelt law, but I really don’t think the police are going to take action on those who are not wearing it. I ask people here to tell me more about the job of a policeman. No one really knows what the job entails. But they do know one thing. If you happen to get pulled over on the roads, hand over a $20 (literally, there’s a going rate), and you’ll be off the hook. This has lead me to conclude that the police are self-employed scam artists. In need of $40? No problem, pull over two cars for the day and you’re set.

BBQ
Ecuadorians love their barbeque. It’s easy to find a parillada (bbq) restaurant on any street in Machala. I have learned, after having been invited to several parillada dinners at friend’s houses, that the barbeque in Ecuador is different than that which I am used to from home. If invited to a BBQ you must go on an empty stomach because, without fail, you will be served up a plate of at least three kinds of meat. If you’re not good at making decisions regarding meat preference, there are no worries here. You are guaranteed a plate of pork, beef, chicken and sausage and…. rice.

Off to school...in a boat
The rains are starting to hit Machala pretty hard. I wake up to the powerful sound of it on the roof every night. The cool, fresh, calming sensation of the rain is put to rest upon waking in the morning to dirty, muddy, flooded streets. But, the high-intensity rays of the Machaleñ0 sun do their best to dry up street rivers. But, there is one street in Machala that takes a little longer than the rest. This just so happens to be good ol´Diez de Agosto, home to the Instituto de Idiomas (aka: my work).

I rode the bus in confidence to school, sure that the street would be accessible, despite earlier warnings that the gates to the school had not been able to open earlier that morning. As I rode through Machala, I noticed how most streets were in decent condition considering the torential rains that had hit the night before. Even rounding the corner of Diez de Agosto, the streets were fine...until 2 blocks from the Institute. I had to hop off the bus early only to find that I was stranded. School was in my viewpoint but I quickly realized, it was not, and was not going to be, within my grasp. I stood on a little dry patch of sidewalk staring and wondering just how I might make it that way. As I was thinking, another bus drove by forcing the waters of the middle street to subside to the edges of the street, thus washing over my feet and ankles. At this point, I turned around, walked a few blocks back to the dry land, and hitched a ride on the bus back home, having a greater understanding of why it is teachers, never students, are never happy to have school cancelled...especially on a test day.